Responsibility

There have been many times in my life when a situation has become so unhappy and miserable that I've yearned for somebody to come and rescue me from it all. Yes I know it's a cliché but I've hoped for that knight in shining armour on a white charger to come and sweep me off my feet and tell me everything is going to be ok.

It has never happened. Actually it doesn't feel right to say that because I have been rescued, but I found that the knight was not to be found externally; it existed within me all the time. I had to take responsibility for rescuing myself. The principle of finding happiness is similar; the source of happiness is from within. I've realised that it's not fair to put the responsibility for my happiness on somebody else's shoulders. I have a choice, I can either be happy about something or I can choose not to be. The power is in me to change my mind.

I'm going to go off at a tangent for a moment so please excuse me. Sometimes as I'm writing these things I really do wonder who the source of this information is. As I wrote the last 2 sentences of the previous paragraph I realised how much I needed to hear that at the moment. There is a situation going on that is irritating me beyond belief; I can either let it fester and erupt or I can just think 'whatever'. The feelings that I've been harbouring are not going to improve the situation so I choose 'whatever'. Thank you Angels.

Last year my situation had driven me into a pit of despair and confusion. I took 6 months out of it to try to sort myself out and I admit that I was hoping that mythical knight would arrive and solve all my problems. My dream was that Robbie Williams would ride a motorbike into my weekend haunt, we'd take one look at each other, realise we were soul mates and I'd be able to love him and take care of him and we'd live happily ever after. Yeah right! Poor lad has enough problems without taking on mine. LOL

Although I may hope for rescue, I never blame anybody else for my problems. These are all the results of choices I've made. I share the belief that before we incarnate into this life we design a blue print of lessons and experiences that we wish to undertake as a human. I realise I'm skating into the territory of 'free will v fate' here and that's way too big for what I'm trying to express. These are just my simple theories. Do you recall the film 'Sliding Doors' with Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Hannay? The difference of a couple of seconds, getting on that train or not created two possible and very different outcomes for her life. So although we have certain things to experience, there are many possibilities built in to allow for our free will along the way. Does that make sense?

The book 'Azrael Loves Chocolate and Michael's a Jock' by Chantel Lysette helped me to remember that I was the architect of my life and enabled me to view things from a different perspective. Everything I was going through was what I had created for myself and if I as a loving soul was writing my life plan would I really have given myself anything I wouldn't be able to deal with? If I wrote this surely I was strong enough to deal with it. Nobody was going to come and rescue me because I had to do it for myself.

I often wonder if Absynthe is available beyond the veil because to design something as insane as my life I must have been on something up there.