Kali,my little sentry on the roof at dusk

Responsibility

There have been many times in my life when a situation has become so unhappy and miserable that I've yearned for somebody to come and rescue me from it all. Yes I know it's a cliché but I've hoped for that knight in shining armour on a white charger to come and sweep me off my feet and tell me everything is going to be ok.

It has never happened. Actually it doesn't feel right to say that because I have been rescued, but I found that the knight was not to be found externally; it existed within me all the time. I had to take responsibility for rescuing myself. The principle of finding happiness is similar; the source of happiness is from within. I've realised that it's not fair to put the responsibility for my happiness on somebody else's shoulders. I have a choice, I can either be happy about something or I can choose not to be. The power is in me to change my mind.

I'm going to go off at a tangent for a moment so please excuse me. Sometimes as I'm writing these things I really do wonder who the source of this information is. As I wrote the last 2 sentences of the previous paragraph I realised how much I needed to hear that at the moment. There is a situation going on that is irritating me beyond belief; I can either let it fester and erupt or I can just think 'whatever'. The feelings that I've been harbouring are not going to improve the situation so I choose 'whatever'. Thank you Angels.

Last year my situation had driven me into a pit of despair and confusion. I took 6 months out of it to try to sort myself out and I admit that I was hoping that mythical knight would arrive and solve all my problems. My dream was that Robbie Williams would ride a motorbike into my weekend haunt, we'd take one look at each other, realise we were soul mates and I'd be able to love him and take care of him and we'd live happily ever after. Yeah right! Poor lad has enough problems without taking on mine. LOL

Although I may hope for rescue, I never blame anybody else for my problems. These are all the results of choices I've made. I share the belief that before we incarnate into this life we design a blue print of lessons and experiences that we wish to undertake as a human. I realise I'm skating into the territory of 'free will v fate' here and that's way too big for what I'm trying to express. These are just my simple theories. Do you recall the film 'Sliding Doors' with Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Hannay? The difference of a couple of seconds, getting on that train or not created two possible and very different outcomes for her life. So although we have certain things to experience, there are many possibilities built in to allow for our free will along the way. Does that make sense?

The book 'Azrael Loves Chocolate and Michael's a Jock' by Chantel Lysette helped me to remember that I was the architect of my life and enabled me to view things from a different perspective. Everything I was going through was what I had created for myself and if I as a loving soul was writing my life plan would I really have given myself anything I wouldn't be able to deal with? If I wrote this surely I was strong enough to deal with it. Nobody was going to come and rescue me because I had to do it for myself.

I often wonder if Absynthe is available beyond the veil because to design something as insane as my life I must have been on something up there.

The ‘G’ word

For a long time I've had issues about using the 'G' word. It's not that I don't believe in God, I do and now that I understand things more clearly and have got over my anger about being here, I have quite a good relationship with him/her. But the word itself is a problem and I think it's because to me it's synonymous with religion, dogma and repression.

When I think of Him I see a huge lion. I know this has been inspired by my favourite books The Chronicles of Narnia. For years I was blissfully unaware of the Christian symbolism of the books, I probably would have avoided them like the plague had I known. In fact I have to say that I still don't understand how Aslan is Jesus. For me he is God.

There have been some occasions when I've managed to make my mind stay still and I've been able to meditate that I have seen myself nestled between the paws of a huge lion, safe and loved. When I've come back I've had the feeling that for a few brief moments I've been home, I've been hugged by a being I think of as Father and I know that everything is OK.

The name I use when I'm conversing with him now is simply Father and on the exceedingly rare occasions that I make reference to him to another person I call him Big Paws. They might look at me quizzically and ask me why, but I find that I don't get the wide eyed response that would come if I used the 'G' word. Heavens! People might think I was getting religious.

He doesn't mind when I call him that. He knows that it is said with reverence and love and represents the joy he brings to my heart.

I love you Big Paws. x

Give me a clue

Last year I had to make yet another huge life affecting decision. Stay in the UK and start all over (again) or return to the life I'd created in Sri Lanka which had become quite volatile and challenging to say the least. I didn't know which way to turn. My internal white noise was preventing me from receiving guidance clearly from my Angels. The more I talked about it, the more confused I became. My friends were brilliant and so patient with me, but it was becoming apparent that the more I talked about it with them the more unclear it became. I felt like a goldfish, going around in circles; the choice I felt like making changed from day to day depending on which way I was facing.

So I said 'come on Angels give me a clue, give me a sign that will help me make the decision'.

I'd been keeping an eye on flight prices just in case I suddenly decided I'd had enough of sitting on the fence and I came up with a set of circumstances which I would take as a sign about the choice that would be best for me.

Have you ever done that when you've been unable to make a decision? Said to the universe if this happens or this criteria is met I'll know which path to take?

This is what I did. I said to the universe 'if you find me a flight from Manchester (UK) to Sri Lanka for less than £550 I'll know which way I'm supposed to go'. All the while I had been checking flights the prices were over £600 and whilst Heathrow was substantially cheaper I'd become superstitious and felt the need to change many things about the way I made the journey back through the wardrobe.

Having put out my request I left it to them. December arrived and I realised that I wanted to stay in the UK with my family for Christmas and if I was to return to Sri Lanka it would be in the New Year. New Year new start. All of a sudden having made that decision a flight appeared that met my criteria and was only £535 and it was on 3^rd January.

Thank you Angels and the Universe.

There was just one small problem, we were experiencing quite a severe winter and were getting lots of snowfall. The journey to Manchester would involve country roads high up over the moors where roads regularly were closed due to snowfall in winter. I couldn't subject anybody to that in order to get me to the airport.

So in the end I chose a flight from Birmingham that cost £600!

I wryly commented on it to the Angels who smiled and said 'we found you a flight matching your criteria, we never said you had to take it!'

Cheers guys.

 

Animal Medicine

A few years ago I went down to my chosen haunt on the beach to join some friends and was surprised to see a number of crows dive bombing something on the surface of the sea about half a mile out. It was a spectacle that I'd never seen before and have never seen since. We could see that whatever they were focused on was flapping on the surface.

I hate seeing any animal in trouble so I took it on myself to swim out and see if I could rescue whatever it was. I admit I didn't really think this through, like how was I going to be able to swim back with a flapping crow, but I had to act. I couldn't leave it there. So into the water I went. I was quite pleased to see that one of the younger beach boys had decided to come out also on a surf board; these boys have incredible shoulders from hours of surfing and he just cut through the water. They make it look so easy and effortless!

The crows didn't hang around when he got there, but the thing in the water was still flapping on the surface. I was kind of puzzled when he didn't do anything about it, but when I finally got there I was stunned to see that the thing in the water was a bat. At 2 in the afternoon! How weird was that? We never see bats before dusk.

I was so grateful of the dude's surfboard at that point and I managed to slip it under the bat and raise it out of the water. For a moment there was such a look of relief on its face. I started to swim back to the beach trying to hang onto the surfboard and the bat, which kept deciding that the water was a safer place to be. I often wonder about the conversations I have with my animals, but I do remember talking to that bat as though it would understand me, telling it I was going to get it out of the water and everything would be ok. God that swim seemed to take forever and the current was pushing me further down the beach. Somehow I managed to get back to the beach and with jelly legs, still carrying the surfboard and reassuring the bat I made it back to where I'd been sitting with my friends.

They were equally as surprised as I had been to discover it was a bat. I wrapped it in my sarong and held it for a little while to give it chance to warm up and get its breath back. When it looked like it had calmed down and was breathing easily I put it in the tree overhanging the beach. I was so happy when it climbed up the trunk; I was afraid that in trying to hold it in place on the surfboard I had hurt it.

10 minutes later it flew off and I was so happy to see that.

That incident was to have a profound effect.

I felt so calm and peaceful after it had happened. For a few weeks I'd been battling with my inner demons trying to come to terms with a decision that was going to be life changing and I'd become depressed and unable to sense my angels. The decision I was facing was committing to a life in Sri Lanka and marrying the man I had fallen in love with; there were so many implications and it terrified me even though I wanted it too. I'd been shying away from commitment for years; I'd been afraid of letting anyone get close to me – every time anyone tried, I ran like the wind. (My friends often tell me to lock my running shoes away when they sense something is spooking me – I put this down to the horse in me). I had carefully built so many defences around myself to prevent anyone from getting close enough to hurt me.

All this had allowed me to create such intense internal static or white noise that I was unable to hear what my guides and angels were trying to tell me no matter how hard I tried. It's my belief that this bizarre incident with the crows and the bats was God and his Angels sending me a message and reassurance in a way that they knew I would not ignore.

I've been drawn to Native American totems for years and I knew that I had to discover the symbolism of these animals. This is what I found

Bat: represents death and rebirth. The death is releasing the old. Change is imminent or long overdue. Spiritual rebirth. Hanging upside down – a time of trials. Confronting fears. The end of one way of life, the start of another. Facing the darkness. ( http://www.shamanicjourney.com/article/6080/bat-power-animal-symbol-of-rebirth)

Crow: Omen of change. Spiritual strength. Creation. Seeing beyond cultural limitations. (http://www.shamanicjourney.com/article/6033/crow-power-animal-symbol-of-sacred-law-change)

Everything about these animals was so appropriate for what I was facing. If my new life was to go forward I had to release many patterns in my behaviour and face my fears – stop running, learn to let people in, make a commitment. I felt reassured and the static cleared and I was able to relax at last and let everything unfold without fighting it and more importantly without running from it.

When God sends me animals I always listen, which is why I think that my angels have been appearing to me in animal for so long.

A really bizarre thing

Now this is connected to the photo in the post below. And it is so very odd.

I cannot come up with a rational explanation for those lights to satisfy any sceptic. I know what or rather who they are. Around the time I took that photo I was writing my post about Michael and Raphael.

The really odd thing is that I sent that post to my blog from my phone. My phone has predictive text and it also has an autocomplete where it remembers the last time you typed something and offers to complete the same sentence the next time you initiate that word string. With me so far?

When I start to type the title for the blog I was absolutely stunned when after the first word NOT, the word JUST appeared. I accepted that and to my utter astonishment the phone completed the title NOT JUST A SQUIRREL ON MY SHOULDER.

Do you think that's validation of some sort? How incredible.

Not just a squirrel on my shoulder

Look above the squirrel. There are no lights or reflective surfaces there. Hello angel

Michael and Raphael

This sort of precedes the existing post about Michael's appearance.

One evening I was sitting on my roof with a cup of coffee and I could sense that Michael and Raphael were with me. I always feel Michael behind my right shoulder and Raphael is always somewhere behind the left.
Michael is a larger than life energy and always ready for something, especially mischief whilst Raphael just waits patiently in the background for me to remember he's there and come to him. He's one of those awesome friends who never complains if I've not been in touch for a while, he doesn't bug me with questions about where I've been and what I've been doing, but of course he knows all that anyway. D'oh! I can be so dense sometimes.

Anyway because I've never seen them in the guise of a human I asked who they would choose to look like. Michael opted for the original Bo Duke, who was my childhood pinup. Oh yummy. But the biggest surprise was Raphael who with a completely straight face said "Dustin Hoffman".

I nearly choked on my coffee!

Since that night I've been 'seeing' Michael a lot in that form, but Raphael has gone into the background again. At least he didn't say Dudley Moore.

The Tapestry

Our lives are a tapestry, the picture only becoming clearer as we reach the end of our journey. The many people we encounter are the threads that help to capture the image of our life. Some may only be present for a few simple stitches; others are woven intricately throughout the pattern, but they are all important because they all form the structure and part of the pattern. The people who are the darker threads are just as important to the picture as those who are the lighter threads. Without the darker threads we would not have shadows and without the shadows we would not have depth to our picture and the light would not be accentuated or appreciated so greatly.

Trusting and reaching out

A couple of months ago I had an angel reading with Chantel Lysette, whom I think is awesome. Her book "Azrael Loves Chocolate and Michael's A Jock" rocks and has had a profound affect on my life and my relationship with the Angels.

Anyway I digress. Archangel Michael came through and Chantel was spot on about so many aspects of my character, in particular the fact that I am an intensely private person, I don't trust people easily and as a result have a very small group of close friends to whom I am fiercely loyal.

This is all very true. My 'world' has been made up of a small nucleus of people whom I have allowed to get close to me, but it took a long time. I'm as flighty as a nervous horse when it comes to letting people in. 14 years in the police contributed largely to this; one was kind of brainwashed into believing that nobody on the outside could be trusted and to be honest when you are dealing with the worst elements of society it does make you believe that. It took a long time after retiring before I was able to start dropping my guard and learning to trust people on the outside; some friends say that in certain circumstances I still have a blue light on my head, it's usually in large crowds or situations that can be intimidating. I always have an 'eye' out for potential danger.

There is a sort of structure to the people in my world, where people fall into certain categories.

• Family (the biological family)
  
• My adopted family – friends that are so close and important to me they feel more like siblings
  
• Friends – Still people I consider close, but not in the inner circle. It's a term that I don't use lightly.
  
• Acquaintances – speaks for itself really; people I know, but don't consider them friends
  
• Everybody else
  

I do want to believe in the inherent goodness in people and I endeavour never to judge someone for what they do, but there have been so many instances where my wanting to trust people has backfired that I have chosen to withdraw largely from the world and people. I find it too harsh and if I don't let people too close they can't hurt me.

I was, therefore, filled with a sense of dread when Chantel told me that Michael needed me to come out of my comfort zone and to start trusting and interacting with people more. I definitely don't trust anybody in this country where I've made my home and I really didn't want to start going out and making friends with the people in the community. However it was going to happen whether I liked it or not and my stubborn streak could not match his. Oh deep joy I thought. I didn't want a battle over this and I do trust the Angels, they have never let me down so I decided that I would make the first steps. I started making an effort to leave my home and to go down to the beach and to interact with whoever was there, but it just didn't feel right.

What I've discovered is that I was viewing all this from a very limited view point and that the Angels have far greater and inspired ideas about what they want for us. I spend a lot of time on my computer and in cyberspace following gingerbread crumb trails that lead me to all sorts of information. I will even confess to spending a fair amount of time in the virtual world of Farm Town on Facebook. Suddenly these pastimes have started bringing me into contact with people from all over the world and friendships are starting to develop. There is a lovely couple in Texas whom I talk to on a daily basis, I've met a very nice lady from Korea and my newest friends are a lovely lady in Spain and subsequently her sister who lives in England. Somebody else on Facebook reached out to me and that led me to a wonderful forum where a huge number of incredible, gifted and spiritual people are gathering, sharing and opening up to form a new family. It's amazing. These people are opening up their souls to share their experiences and I have felt safe enough to reach out and share my beliefs about things that I would never have felt able to before. The interactions with amazing people are developing in such a beautiful way, that the Angels know I can handle and feel safe with.

The logical fear based mind has sneaked in and tried to tell me it's not real these friendships over the internet, that people can hide their true selves; what I say to the fear based mind is that this is also true of people that you encounter in the real world. They can hide their true nature and their motivations. That is what living in Sri Lanka has taught me, behind the smiling friendly faces are schemes to find out how much many they can extract from you. I'm sure it's not all of them and I don't judge them for it, it's their culture.

So I thank the Angels for their ingenious means of getting me to interact with people more and I welcome the new friends and future family into my life.

The New Broom

This is just a simple silly story but it makes me smile.

I bought a new broom the other day for sweeping my bedroom; the joy of tiled floors. Yesterday as I was sweeping the bedroom I was pondering the nature of this broom and wondering if it was any good; were the bristles a little too soft for the job? They didn't feel as firm as the old on.

Then I heard the Angels, not sure which one, but probably Michael as he is my most constant companion, and they asked if the broom was working. I looked down at my feet and there was a pile of dust and other detritus – 'there you go then' they said.

It makes me smile because it's just evidence of how they do become our constant companions if we allow them and they have an input into everything – even a new broom.

A Light Epiphany

Recently I feel like I have opened up even more on my spiritual journey, something that is happening to many others around the planet.
Information is being received at an accelerated level and there are many new connections being made with people all around the globe thanks to the internet, which prompts me to share an image that keeps appearing in my mind. I just wish I had the artistic skill to reproduce it.
What I see is that we are all points of light; this light is being channelled by the universe through our crowns to the earth and this light is also connecting us all together like the fine threads of silk in a cobweb. To form this matrix is why so many us have been compelled to change our lives and our locations so dramatically. I believe it's why I am on this rock in Sri Lanka and why I keep coming returning in the face of adversity when perhaps I should have given up years ago. I'm stubborn though and although I may bolt frequently I don't like giving up on something. I feel like I am supposed to be here to anchor this light in a place that was savaged by the Tsunami of 2004. Everybody is in some way feeling drawn to certain locations to anchor their light.

Ok, my creative skills are lacking and I have a rather shaky mouse hand, but this is as close as I can get to a representation of what I'm seeing.

2011

For a few years now the year 2011 has had significance for me that I find hard to explain. It's there in my future circled in red. A great many people are focused on 2012 and whatever changes and evolutions that is going to bring about. I can't see that far ahead and it feels like my time is going to come to an end in 2011.
I once asked a psychic counsellor about the significance of 2011 and he told me that it is one of my 'opt outs'. There are numerous 'opt outs' programmed into our lives where an event will occur that threatens our physical existence. When this happens we can choose to return home or return to our body to continue the journey. 2011 is my big 'opt out' and this time I will choose to go home.

There have already been others and obviously I chose to come back or was perhaps urged to come back and keep going a little longer. The first one was in 2002. Leading up to this I had such an intense feeling of completion and peace and this innate knowledge that I was ready to go home. For several hours I was 'away' but I was surprised and a little dismayed when I woke up. However, I felt different and had an inner strength that had been absent till then. The other odd thing was that many memories were absent, even going back into childhood and if they were there they were like looking at a photograph album belonging to somebody else. There are possibly many medical explanations for this; one being that my mind has blocked out the trauma of the events leading up to that point in time, but why simple childhood events?

About a year after that incident when I was becoming spiritually awakened, I read Doreen Virtue's book Earth Angels which introduced the theory of walk-ins. To try to put it simply one soul agrees to get the body to a certain point in time and to experience all the lessons it needs to in order to fulfil its purpose, but it isn't destined to go the entire journey. That's why I believe I had that feeling of completion that I did, because my soul at knew it had completed its tasks. It's so hard to explain and it probably sounds completely insane. Then, at the time of my incident in 2002 the next relay runner stepped in to run with the baton.
I don't think the subsequent incidents have been the same, but I believe in those hours away I have been allowed to go home for a little while to rest and gather my strength again before continuing on my journey to 2011.

The psychic counsellor described a possible scenario where I would be on a tropical island in a soft top 4 wheel drive when my chance to go home for good would materialise. He did tell me that at the time of this event I would be so in love that I would choose to stay here, but I don't feel that; there is no love strong enough to keep me here. The people I love the most are my family and the choices I have made have taken me far away from them for many months of the year. I believe that I will be able to be closer to them in so many ways once I've returned home.

I don't know what will happen next year. The only things that I wish to be here for before I depart are my father's 70^th birthday and my niece's 10^th birthday. After that I feel like my mission will be complete

My going home will not be an abandoment, however and I know that my experiences here and the lessons I have learned will enable me to work from the other side.

The appearance of Archangels

Until recently I never really saw the Angels when they were around me; I could sense their presence and hear them, but I couldn't see them.  I connected with a website via facebook and raised the question how do the angels appear to others.

Do they see them clearly standing before them or do they see them in their heads? What I was seeing in my head on a regular basis was a bear, a donkey, a horse and an otter. I realised with joy that I was actually seeing the Angels, but they were choosing form that I would trust and feel safe with.

Just recently though Archangel Michael has been appearing my head in human form and looks remarkably like the first and for me, only, Bo Duke from the 80's Dukes of Hazzard show. He's also wearing orange surf shorts with a yellow flower pattern and flipflops. What a 6 pack too!!!!!

It's wonderful to finally see him like this and to be able to trust what I'm seeing. Thank you to all those people whom I connected with who shared what they saw and gave me the ability to trust myself.

Feeling less connected

The past few months have been peculiar and yet another period of adjustment and alignment. Today I feel oddly detached and ever so slightly out of body. With it is a feeling of serenity and I can live with that.

People are doing things that I don't understand and leave me feeling quite bewildered, but I'm trying to accept it as part of the adjustment and that their time in my life has run its course.  I release them with love and thank them for the gifts they brought.

This feeling of detachment leaves is similar to sitting watching ants going about their business. I don't understand them either but they are curious beings.