Learning never ends

I'm having a new experience and it's really quite amazing. The strange thing is that it is something that might really seem quite simple and even mundane.

I've discovered the world of audiobooks! Yeah, I know it does sound a little odd to be excited about something like that, but you see for years I've been an avid reader with an appetite sometimes bordering on voracious.

A book, to me, offers a chance to escape into a whole other world. When I read I don't just see the words on a page, I have a whole movie playing in my mind. It's often a surprise when something disturbs me out of it and I find myself looking at a page again. I long to go back into that world.

There's a particular series of books that I've been really into, what they are is of no importance really, but I only got up to number 6 in the series when I came into the wardrobe again and I've really regretted not bringing the remaining 4 out with me. I've even had dreams about being back in the UK standing in a bookshop with them in my hand.  It's a long time until December when I can finally go and buy them.

So I started thinking about audiobooks on my iPod, but I wasn't sure if I would adapt to a different method of absorbing the contents of a book. But there they were on iTunes and eventually I tentatively gave in.

I was totally delighted when I found that I could listen to an audiobook AND the movie would play in my head as vividly as if I was reading it off a page. The odd thing is what to do with my real eyes when my inner eye is doing the real work and it really is quite strange to be sort of seeing two things at once, although I have noticed that if my concentration slips it's akin to being faced with a page of text again.

I often wonder if other people experience the same thing when they read a book; do they have a movie playing in their head? When I went to see the Lord of the Rings movies I was so utterly astounded because they had recreated on screen what I'd been playing in my head all the time. I guess that's a testimony to a great writer.

This feels like there is more to this than just discovering audiobooks. I feel like I am being taught how to exercise different senses; listening being top, but also to be able to stretch my third eye to respond to what it is hearing. I am also finding that because I am focusing so hard on what the narrator is saying the usual nonsense that rattles around in my head is completely silent.

I have been trying to stretch my hearing for a little while now; I sit in the garden and try to focus only on the sounds of the birds and trees around me. I can hear a crow across the valley and then I can quickly pick up the sweet sound of a sunbird in the canopy above my head and then I can detect the different whispers of each tree in the garden. On a couple of occasions it's felt like my mind was free-falling and I wish I'd had the courage to let it to see where it would lead. Something must be changing because one night as I sat having my coffee I'm pretty sure I could here the bats making their hunting sounds as they flew past.

An interesting side effect of listening to an audiobook for 9 hours is that I now my find myself thinking with a Louisiana accent.

I am Seraphim

The visitors map

It seems that I've been to my own blog so many times that I've obliterated Sri Lanka and I'm about to take over India too. It's a great widget, but it obviously doesn't differentiate between the author and other visitors! lol

When is a pimple not a just a pimple?

I’m a great believer that when we don’t express ourselves properly or we try to bury our emotions the body will pay the price. Emotions and feelings are energy and if we do not channel it correctly or release it, it will find alterative routes or just fry our circuitry.


 Currently I’m sporting a rather large and painful pimple on my chin. I haven’t had one like this for absolutely years; it’s the kind that will never be squeezable and glows like a beacon. I don’t need artificial lighting to find my way in the dark; all I need to do is jut my chin out. Of course it’s possible that a pimple is just a pimple, but I’ve had a look at external circumstances and the way they are making me feel and I know that this pimple is a manifestation of my feelings about all this and my inability to express them.


My husband runs a little business renting motor scooters to tourists. However recently he’s allowed one to go to a local which is always a bad idea. The last two failed to pay and I’m angry that he thinks this one is any different. What was going to be 10 days has turned into 32 and promises of “I’ll pay you tomorrow” have not been kept. For some reason he seems to be incapable of dealing with this; he keeps procrastinating about retrieving the bike. I’m resigned to the fact that this guy is not going to pay up and is now just taking the p!ss, but I wish that R would at least get the bike back so it can’t continue.


I’m angry on so many levels, that R is incapable of resolving this – I’ve told him that he has to learn to chase money if he’s going to run a business. I’m angry that he has so little regard for his wife’s happiness; whilst this guy is running around on our motorbike for free I’m confined to the house without any form of transport. I’m angry at the guy for behaving like this even though I should not be surprised. They seem to think that because R has a foreign wife he doesn’t really need the money.


My frustration is born out being unable to do a damned thing about it. Discussions are getting repetitive and now seem to be met with a brick wall. I can’t express how angry I am because it’s impossible to have a normal argument with him; it will escalate into something thoroughly unpleasant and I’m fed up of replacing buckets, plant pots and the bruises.


So I’m sporting the pimple instead and trying to ignore the onset of tonsillitis which is coming because of all the words backed up in my throat.


I wonder if he would understand the saying a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush or one happy wife at home is worth 2 angry acquaintances.

The book that appears at the top of this post is one of the best I've read for explaining how our emotions affect us on a physical right down to cellular level

A random moment in Sri Lanka

A cow wandered into this cafe at the busy bus station in search of a snack

My guardian, Rocky

He's the biggest and daftest Rottweiler and very much my baby, but he's not normally into being hugged; making a gentle rumble of protest as he endures it.

I have a rock in my garden which I call my Angel Rock; it's where I look to sit and talk to my angels and to connect with nature. As soon as I sit down Rocky appears by my side and sits glued to my side. If he gets the chance he'll position himself between my knees to look out over the jungle with me. He willingly accepts big hugs without protest when he's on my rock with me.

Today has been a really low day and I've been crying out to angels for support and to be able to feel their presence. I needed an angel hug especially from michael whom I talk to most. Just as I was begging him to let me feel his presence as I sat on my rock, Rocky arrived at my side and pressed against me. I suddenly wondered if Michael in particular has been sending Rocky to make that physical contact and as the thought formed Rocky gave me a huge nudge with his backside as if to validate my thought!

Thank you Michael and Rocky; it was just what I needed.

The Precipis

I hate days when I'm standing on the edge. I try so hard to be calm and at peace, but sometimes external influences are just too strong for me to beat and I start to spiral. Despair creeps in and I know I'm heading out to deep water again. The tears wont stop and the internal static becomes so loud I can't hear or sense the Angels even though I know they are there.

Days like this make me want to double the cotton wool layer around myself so that whatever it is can't reach in and cause all this hurt and turmoil. The worst thing about anti-depressants is that they wont kick in for 3 or 4 weeks, by which time this will have passed. In my heart I know it will pass, it has to, but right now I feel like taking a step over that edge and letting myself fall.

I know that I am lucky to be living the life I have and in many ways it is so blessed, but depression doesn't care about that. No matter how many times I kick myself up the butt I just can't shake it.

What would it be like to take that fall and succeed? Would the turmoil be over then? I can't do it though. I've done it before and it wasn't my time. I was sent back. So I know that I just have to ride this out and hope that tomorrow is a better day.