Kali,my little sentry on the roof at dusk

Responsibility

There have been many times in my life when a situation has become so unhappy and miserable that I've yearned for somebody to come and rescue me from it all. Yes I know it's a cliché but I've hoped for that knight in shining armour on a white charger to come and sweep me off my feet and tell me everything is going to be ok.

It has never happened. Actually it doesn't feel right to say that because I have been rescued, but I found that the knight was not to be found externally; it existed within me all the time. I had to take responsibility for rescuing myself. The principle of finding happiness is similar; the source of happiness is from within. I've realised that it's not fair to put the responsibility for my happiness on somebody else's shoulders. I have a choice, I can either be happy about something or I can choose not to be. The power is in me to change my mind.

I'm going to go off at a tangent for a moment so please excuse me. Sometimes as I'm writing these things I really do wonder who the source of this information is. As I wrote the last 2 sentences of the previous paragraph I realised how much I needed to hear that at the moment. There is a situation going on that is irritating me beyond belief; I can either let it fester and erupt or I can just think 'whatever'. The feelings that I've been harbouring are not going to improve the situation so I choose 'whatever'. Thank you Angels.

Last year my situation had driven me into a pit of despair and confusion. I took 6 months out of it to try to sort myself out and I admit that I was hoping that mythical knight would arrive and solve all my problems. My dream was that Robbie Williams would ride a motorbike into my weekend haunt, we'd take one look at each other, realise we were soul mates and I'd be able to love him and take care of him and we'd live happily ever after. Yeah right! Poor lad has enough problems without taking on mine. LOL

Although I may hope for rescue, I never blame anybody else for my problems. These are all the results of choices I've made. I share the belief that before we incarnate into this life we design a blue print of lessons and experiences that we wish to undertake as a human. I realise I'm skating into the territory of 'free will v fate' here and that's way too big for what I'm trying to express. These are just my simple theories. Do you recall the film 'Sliding Doors' with Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Hannay? The difference of a couple of seconds, getting on that train or not created two possible and very different outcomes for her life. So although we have certain things to experience, there are many possibilities built in to allow for our free will along the way. Does that make sense?

The book 'Azrael Loves Chocolate and Michael's a Jock' by Chantel Lysette helped me to remember that I was the architect of my life and enabled me to view things from a different perspective. Everything I was going through was what I had created for myself and if I as a loving soul was writing my life plan would I really have given myself anything I wouldn't be able to deal with? If I wrote this surely I was strong enough to deal with it. Nobody was going to come and rescue me because I had to do it for myself.

I often wonder if Absynthe is available beyond the veil because to design something as insane as my life I must have been on something up there.

The ‘G’ word

For a long time I've had issues about using the 'G' word. It's not that I don't believe in God, I do and now that I understand things more clearly and have got over my anger about being here, I have quite a good relationship with him/her. But the word itself is a problem and I think it's because to me it's synonymous with religion, dogma and repression.

When I think of Him I see a huge lion. I know this has been inspired by my favourite books The Chronicles of Narnia. For years I was blissfully unaware of the Christian symbolism of the books, I probably would have avoided them like the plague had I known. In fact I have to say that I still don't understand how Aslan is Jesus. For me he is God.

There have been some occasions when I've managed to make my mind stay still and I've been able to meditate that I have seen myself nestled between the paws of a huge lion, safe and loved. When I've come back I've had the feeling that for a few brief moments I've been home, I've been hugged by a being I think of as Father and I know that everything is OK.

The name I use when I'm conversing with him now is simply Father and on the exceedingly rare occasions that I make reference to him to another person I call him Big Paws. They might look at me quizzically and ask me why, but I find that I don't get the wide eyed response that would come if I used the 'G' word. Heavens! People might think I was getting religious.

He doesn't mind when I call him that. He knows that it is said with reverence and love and represents the joy he brings to my heart.

I love you Big Paws. x

Give me a clue

Last year I had to make yet another huge life affecting decision. Stay in the UK and start all over (again) or return to the life I'd created in Sri Lanka which had become quite volatile and challenging to say the least. I didn't know which way to turn. My internal white noise was preventing me from receiving guidance clearly from my Angels. The more I talked about it, the more confused I became. My friends were brilliant and so patient with me, but it was becoming apparent that the more I talked about it with them the more unclear it became. I felt like a goldfish, going around in circles; the choice I felt like making changed from day to day depending on which way I was facing.

So I said 'come on Angels give me a clue, give me a sign that will help me make the decision'.

I'd been keeping an eye on flight prices just in case I suddenly decided I'd had enough of sitting on the fence and I came up with a set of circumstances which I would take as a sign about the choice that would be best for me.

Have you ever done that when you've been unable to make a decision? Said to the universe if this happens or this criteria is met I'll know which path to take?

This is what I did. I said to the universe 'if you find me a flight from Manchester (UK) to Sri Lanka for less than £550 I'll know which way I'm supposed to go'. All the while I had been checking flights the prices were over £600 and whilst Heathrow was substantially cheaper I'd become superstitious and felt the need to change many things about the way I made the journey back through the wardrobe.

Having put out my request I left it to them. December arrived and I realised that I wanted to stay in the UK with my family for Christmas and if I was to return to Sri Lanka it would be in the New Year. New Year new start. All of a sudden having made that decision a flight appeared that met my criteria and was only £535 and it was on 3^rd January.

Thank you Angels and the Universe.

There was just one small problem, we were experiencing quite a severe winter and were getting lots of snowfall. The journey to Manchester would involve country roads high up over the moors where roads regularly were closed due to snowfall in winter. I couldn't subject anybody to that in order to get me to the airport.

So in the end I chose a flight from Birmingham that cost £600!

I wryly commented on it to the Angels who smiled and said 'we found you a flight matching your criteria, we never said you had to take it!'

Cheers guys.

 

Animal Medicine

A few years ago I went down to my chosen haunt on the beach to join some friends and was surprised to see a number of crows dive bombing something on the surface of the sea about half a mile out. It was a spectacle that I'd never seen before and have never seen since. We could see that whatever they were focused on was flapping on the surface.

I hate seeing any animal in trouble so I took it on myself to swim out and see if I could rescue whatever it was. I admit I didn't really think this through, like how was I going to be able to swim back with a flapping crow, but I had to act. I couldn't leave it there. So into the water I went. I was quite pleased to see that one of the younger beach boys had decided to come out also on a surf board; these boys have incredible shoulders from hours of surfing and he just cut through the water. They make it look so easy and effortless!

The crows didn't hang around when he got there, but the thing in the water was still flapping on the surface. I was kind of puzzled when he didn't do anything about it, but when I finally got there I was stunned to see that the thing in the water was a bat. At 2 in the afternoon! How weird was that? We never see bats before dusk.

I was so grateful of the dude's surfboard at that point and I managed to slip it under the bat and raise it out of the water. For a moment there was such a look of relief on its face. I started to swim back to the beach trying to hang onto the surfboard and the bat, which kept deciding that the water was a safer place to be. I often wonder about the conversations I have with my animals, but I do remember talking to that bat as though it would understand me, telling it I was going to get it out of the water and everything would be ok. God that swim seemed to take forever and the current was pushing me further down the beach. Somehow I managed to get back to the beach and with jelly legs, still carrying the surfboard and reassuring the bat I made it back to where I'd been sitting with my friends.

They were equally as surprised as I had been to discover it was a bat. I wrapped it in my sarong and held it for a little while to give it chance to warm up and get its breath back. When it looked like it had calmed down and was breathing easily I put it in the tree overhanging the beach. I was so happy when it climbed up the trunk; I was afraid that in trying to hold it in place on the surfboard I had hurt it.

10 minutes later it flew off and I was so happy to see that.

That incident was to have a profound effect.

I felt so calm and peaceful after it had happened. For a few weeks I'd been battling with my inner demons trying to come to terms with a decision that was going to be life changing and I'd become depressed and unable to sense my angels. The decision I was facing was committing to a life in Sri Lanka and marrying the man I had fallen in love with; there were so many implications and it terrified me even though I wanted it too. I'd been shying away from commitment for years; I'd been afraid of letting anyone get close to me – every time anyone tried, I ran like the wind. (My friends often tell me to lock my running shoes away when they sense something is spooking me – I put this down to the horse in me). I had carefully built so many defences around myself to prevent anyone from getting close enough to hurt me.

All this had allowed me to create such intense internal static or white noise that I was unable to hear what my guides and angels were trying to tell me no matter how hard I tried. It's my belief that this bizarre incident with the crows and the bats was God and his Angels sending me a message and reassurance in a way that they knew I would not ignore.

I've been drawn to Native American totems for years and I knew that I had to discover the symbolism of these animals. This is what I found

Bat: represents death and rebirth. The death is releasing the old. Change is imminent or long overdue. Spiritual rebirth. Hanging upside down – a time of trials. Confronting fears. The end of one way of life, the start of another. Facing the darkness. ( http://www.shamanicjourney.com/article/6080/bat-power-animal-symbol-of-rebirth)

Crow: Omen of change. Spiritual strength. Creation. Seeing beyond cultural limitations. (http://www.shamanicjourney.com/article/6033/crow-power-animal-symbol-of-sacred-law-change)

Everything about these animals was so appropriate for what I was facing. If my new life was to go forward I had to release many patterns in my behaviour and face my fears – stop running, learn to let people in, make a commitment. I felt reassured and the static cleared and I was able to relax at last and let everything unfold without fighting it and more importantly without running from it.

When God sends me animals I always listen, which is why I think that my angels have been appearing to me in animal for so long.

A really bizarre thing

Now this is connected to the photo in the post below. And it is so very odd.

I cannot come up with a rational explanation for those lights to satisfy any sceptic. I know what or rather who they are. Around the time I took that photo I was writing my post about Michael and Raphael.

The really odd thing is that I sent that post to my blog from my phone. My phone has predictive text and it also has an autocomplete where it remembers the last time you typed something and offers to complete the same sentence the next time you initiate that word string. With me so far?

When I start to type the title for the blog I was absolutely stunned when after the first word NOT, the word JUST appeared. I accepted that and to my utter astonishment the phone completed the title NOT JUST A SQUIRREL ON MY SHOULDER.

Do you think that's validation of some sort? How incredible.

Not just a squirrel on my shoulder

Look above the squirrel. There are no lights or reflective surfaces there. Hello angel